Chapter 578 What if I Don’t Want a Future?

Purple, pink, and crimson nebulae mixed with the two are like balls of carefully blended paint, which were smeared by a child in a half-asleep and half-awake state into what should have been a pitch-black starry sky.

What the feet are stepping on is like a calm sea of ​​stars. Even if the center of gravity moves slightly, circles and ripples will appear under the feet, distorting the gorgeous starry sky in the reflection.

I don't know when, the stars began to rotate around the focus of sight - or in other words, the sea of ​​stars that reflected everything was rotating along the axis, so there were countless neat stars in the deep and vast night sky. Concentric circles.

Here... is all this the end of that woman?

My heart was pounding, and there were too many emotions stirring in my chest.

Sadness - This is for Alicia.

Anger - this is dedicated to the irresistible fate and this cruel world.

Unwilling, of course I will feel unwilling... Wait, this unwillingness...

“Bang tom, bang tom—bang tom, bang tom—bang tom, bang tom—”

After a feeling of unwillingness flashed through his heart, Hua suddenly noticed another heartbeat in his chest.

"This is……"

The two heartbeats were closely connected, with only one beat apart. At this moment, as the unwillingness surged up, it was unclear whose heartbeat slowed down for a moment, or whether it was someone whose heartbeat slowed down for a moment. Whose heart beat faster for a moment, and the two "bang toms" from different sources finally overlapped.

If you don’t want to give in, of course you won’t.

"Why... why did it end like this? At that time, my mind was filled with such meaningless thoughts."

Mikael's voice sounded in Hua's mind. Hua was not surprised, but he used his own voice to read out these words uncontrollably.

"Since a long time ago, maybe before everything started, I have been trapped between two choices that cannot be reconciled - saving only the people I care about, and saving everyone. I have said it many times myself, Equivalent exchange is one of the truths of this world. If you want To gain something, you must lose something. People who want everything and cannot give up anything will inevitably be unable to do anything. Unfortunately, I am such a person. The Lawyer of Knowledge is right, I can't do anything for anyone. I am responsible for the loss, so I can only choose to abandon myself...

"But Alicia pulled me out again, she let me live, let me live in a world that has already destroyed itself, and there is no Alicia anymore... In fact, even if this result is slightly better One thing, whether it is a person who has killed himself but still has Alicia The world is still a world where Alicia no longer exists but there is still hope of continuing to exist. I can accept it and live in it... But what I have encountered is that neither of them exist, and only I exist. world. I...can't bear all this..."

Sighing softly, Hua turned around, and Mikael stood behind her with his head lowered. With that movement, if he hadn't caught a glimpse of the Herrscher of Knowledge standing furtively in the distance, she would have almost died. I recognized the wrong person for a moment.

But Hua knew that this was Mikael, the Mikael who had never changed in 50,000 years - it was really ironic to say that at a certain stage, everyone secretly expected Mikael to be more mature. Stronger, although everyone can also see that he is carrying some things that he is unwilling to say... Only Alicia will always say it in a joking tone, hoping that Mikael will never change and remain this way forever. It looks good...

Now it seems that this is the difference between her and Alicia. She hoped that Mikael would become stronger and more powerful. In the final analysis, she was just relying on him, hoping to rely on his strength to solve more problems... At that time, Alicia was the only one who did not want Mikael from the bottom of her heart. She only hopes that Mikael can live easier and more calmly, even if it means that she has to carry more weight and face more dangers, until she finally gives up her life.

After thinking about this, Hua also lowered his head in disappointment. If it's just because I'm ashamed of myself, there's no need to be so depressed. But is Alicia's expectation just for Mikael?

She really hopes that everyone can live easily and calmly, so she takes up everything at the last moment, blocking everything she has to give them the last hope for those who have not protected the world.

"Hua...hua..."

In a daze, she heard Mikael calling her.

He raised his gaze upwards from his toes, but in fact it only changed fifteen degrees, using the reflection of the sea of ​​stars under his feet to meet Mikael's bitter eyes.

"Hua, tell me, am I actually a very cold and hypocritical person? Why can I say... whether it is a world without Alicia but still has hope, or a world with Alicia but has been destroyed I can accept such cruel words in the world. Could it be that I just regard saving at least one of them as a way to realize my self-worth, rather than out of a true sense of kindness and justice? It's not because I'm sad, but because I can't accept my own failure...

"Hua, you see, this is the real me. A selfish and irrational idiot. Just because I think 'things shouldn't be like this', I drag the two worlds before and after and you all into this. The culprit of a war that lasted for fifty thousand years...Hua, look carefully, this is the real Mikael, what is so good about such a person...what is there to like?"

The cheek muscles twitched slightly, but Hua smiled unconsciously.

"As expected, you must save both the world and Alicia, even if the cost is yourself. What you want to do is exactly the same as what I guessed five hundred years ago."

His words were a little lonely, but his smile became more and more uncontrollable.

Mikael also raised his head as if he had just woken up from a dream, as if he suddenly realized that it was what he just said that brought back the topic that Hua had just announced that he was no longer entangled with.

Soon he was laughing himself.

When used well, a smile can often become a point to start a conversation. As Hua pointed out not long ago, this is one of the means that Mikael has always used to escape.

But this time, Mikael didn't do that.

I don’t know whether it was the influence of the surrounding environment or whether it was because he had reached this point and had no escape at all. He answered uncharacteristically and seriously:

"Looking back now, that time five hundred years ago, you really said something incredible at that time. Do you remember?"

"Although my mind is still a little confused, and there are still many things that I haven't remembered, how could I have forgotten that at that time - 'Thank you for ever having such a crush on me.' Looking back now, This is the last chance. Mikael, if you heard this sentence not in Klosten, but on Taixu Mountain, after just solving their problem... would we really go there? A completely different future?"

"perhaps?"

Although it was a question, Hua could hear the 'affirmative' tone in Mikael's mouth.

Suddenly, the surrounding scenery had completely changed, from the gorgeous but unreal starry sky to the clear mirror-like inner lake that Mikael had seen once five hundred years ago. After that, the two of them sat down in unison - Mikael crossed his legs and put his hands on his ankles, while Hua sat on his knees with his hands on his knees.

"I also said that it is not difficult to abandon everything in the past and start over. It is not difficult at all. It can even be said that this idea is tempting me all the time. And...50,000 years have passed, and we I can’t even remember what civilization was like. As for... even Alicia's appearance, sometimes I can't recall it right away - yes, I am such an indifferent person, so indifferent that even the memory of Alicia can be lost over time. It was so diluted that I thought about it more than once, should I stop here..."

"Mikael..."

"It's very selfish, right? I am the one who turned this world into this, and I am the one who brought harm to countless human beings and took away everything from them. But I feel regret all the time, and I fantasize about being able to start over. So, this is what I want to show you Xi, Hua. What you liked in the past was just the Mikael of the past, or the Mikael you imagined in your mind. What I just said is the real Mikael. Seeing this You must be very disappointed, and then you can give up."

Hua took a deep breath and suddenly covered his mouth with his right hand. His fingers kept going back and forth between loosening and clenching.

"Do you want me to stop you? No, you want me to try to stop you, right. Just like Mei and the others did. Only in this way can you create a world where everyone is working hard to fight against Honkai. Everyone After doing your best to fight against Honkai and finally defeat it, you want Alicia to see this kind of world when she opens her eyes again, right?”

"yes."

Mikael's head lowered downwards and stayed there for a full second before raising it again.

"Oh……"

When the laughter suddenly sounded, both Hua and Mikael thought it was the Herrscher of Consciousness who was causing trouble again, but it wasn't until Hua touched the corners of her upturned lips that she realized that it was her who had inadvertently spoken. Own.

"Hehehe..."

The body was shaking uncontrollably, but the feeble laughter could not stop, and in a short period of time it evolved into a laughter that was cathartic even though it was suppressed.

The Herrscher of Knowledge didn't cause trouble, it was herself who had the problem, but she didn't know why.

She covered the lower half of her face with her wide sleeves. Since she couldn't stop laughing, she had no choice but to cover it up.

But this is just the beginning. The inner lake that originally had only a few ripples gradually became turbulent. Waves followed one after another. At first, it was just the shaking of the boat. In just a few blinks, it turned into something that could sometimes reach out and touch. The sky sometimes seems to be submerged by the waves.

"Old antique! What are you doing! Stop now!"

"Hahaha...hahahaha..."

The sudden interruption from the Herrscher of Knowledge was quite timely. It can only be said to be strange. It did not trigger any keywords, and there was no point that was enough to guide thinking. However, when the sound sounded, Hua felt that his hands were being understood. The Herrscher held it gently, and in the darkness, the voice suddenly calmed her down gradually, and guided her to find what she wanted to say to Mikael hidden behind the laughter.

"Hua, are you... okay?"

Although the waves in his heart were gradually calming down, Mikael couldn't help but show some concern. But he couldn't tell whether this was real concern or just... dealing with it.

Who made him a selfish and cold person?

"Hehe..."

Hua laughed again, but this time, her laughter didn't last too long, because she had found what she wanted to say--

"Mikael, do you want me to believe that a person who keeps saying that he is cold and selfish is really cold and selfish? Bad people will only say that they are good people, not to mention... you may be selfish, but a person who is selfish only to see a better world, how can you make me believe that this is a person who is so cold that he is not worthy of being... liked?"

"Hua, this is just me in your eyes..."

"It's you in my eyes, what's the problem?"

Hua put her hands together in front of her, her long sleeves were put together, and the hem swayed gently, and Hua stood up.

"Mikael, you keep saying that the Mikael you are talking about is the real Mikael. But you probably forgot that you also told me this - people can never see their true selves throughout their lives. Whether it is the self in the mirror or in the photo, it is not 100% of themselves; people cannot hear their own voices clearly. What they hear in their ears will produce timbre deviations due to solid vibrations, and what the equipment captures is even less likely to be equal.

"Look, I remember every word you said. So, is the self in your own eyes really the real self? The Mikael in my eyes, the Mikael I like, is a hero who will appear and stand in front of me when I am in danger, and is also a hero who is obviously very fragile, perhaps more fragile than all of us, but still rushes to take responsibility on himself. This is of course a one-sided Mikael in my eyes, but isn't the cold and selfish Mikael in your mouth, Mikael, also a one-sided Mikael?"

"..."

"So, the one you said, at least the one you said, is not true. It doesn't matter if you really mean what you say or if you're just trying to push me away. I like what I've seen of Mikael so far, and that's enough. "

There are a lot of words. After finishing this long string of words, Hua was already out of breath and shaking, more tired than a whole day of training in the past.

She didn't know why. She was obviously not good at speaking, and she had wanted to give in not long ago. But when Mikael spared no effort to discredit her, these words began to emerge in her mind, until the moment before, they were completely pieced together.

Mikael heard it. Every word of Hua floated into his ears clearly, but he gradually couldn't tell the truth and falsehood at this moment.

What kind of person is he? Is the purpose of his words to evade Hua, or do he really think he is such a bad person...

Is he stimulated by the death of Alicia and destroyed the world, looking for a way to save her, or because he saw the lifeless earth and despaired, and gave birth to the idea of ​​"such a world might as well be destroyed", or as he just said to Hua, it is because Did he do this because he wanted to save the world and Alicia?

How much did he remember about Alicia? Why did he gradually forget her memory even though he was protected by the power of consciousness? Was he insisting on doing this for Alicia, or was it just because of inertia - just like even though they already knew that he was not a good person, Nata and Mei still found it difficult to get rid of the close relationship with him, so they wanted to go all the way?

He didn't know, he couldn't tell, he couldn't tell anything.

Mikael still had a blank expression on his face, but his eyes kept closing and opening slowly, and his fists were clenched and relaxed in his sleeves, over and over again.

He wanted to stand up, he hated the way Hua looked down at him, the way that seemed to see through him, but he couldn't do anything, even standing up for a while.

But he... he still had something he could tell:

"Hua... I really can't stop. ”

“…”

“It’s not impossible to start a new life, but in this way, those people I hurt, and Alicia, will never come back. I’m sorry, Hua, between your future and my future, and the future of everyone, I can only choose the latter. Moreover, at this moment, I have taken the last step before the finish line, my foot has been raised, and I just need to put it down - maybe you are right, five hundred years ago, if you said those words two days earlier, five hundred years ago, I might... But unfortunately, it can’t be undone. "

Mikael was only halfway through his words when Hua, as if she had expected everything, raised her head resignedly and sighed quickly.

She knew that, in fact, five hundred years ago, when she said "Thank you for having such a little affection for me", the probability of the future being changed was definitely not zero. It was just that the reason that forced Mikael to reject her at that moment was the same as what he just said.

So, five hundred years ago, after saying everything, before everyone was about to leave, she called Mikael again, but at that time, she still didn't have the courage to say that sentence until the end.

[Old antique, old antique! I have seen all your memories! Don't hide it! It's already this time, if you don't tell me, will you go to his grave to tell me in the future? There might not even be a grave! Tell me, tell me, even if you tell me and still get rejected, it's better than him dying without hearing this sentence! ]

"..."

"…………"

"Mikael, what if I don't want a future."