Chapter 130 "Thoughts of Death"

Chapter 130 "The Servant's Death"

It's... this street again.

The sky is still bright, there are no gorgeous clouds, and there are so many people living a normal life under the sun. I broke into their lives, an alien, a monster, that broke into their lives.

I felt like my body was being controlled by someone.

Ah, such a familiar feeling.

It was like this when being ordered by He Ye, it was like this when killing He Ye, it was like this when raping women, it was like this when killing others...

Nightmares are the only time I find "me", but unfortunately they hurt too much.

My head hurt, my ears hurt, and every nerve in my body hurt.

Who is it this time?

Are you the broken me? Or another sudden malice?

I can feel myself walking, moving forward, one step after another.

Same location, same crowd, opposite... there is no that woman opposite.

Is it a dream? These are similar but different things... Ha, how is it possible? Everything for me is completely ruined. This must be another terrible devil. What kind of sweet dreams can a person like me still have? ?

How ridiculous.

Um? The mouth is brought forward.

What are you going to do? Do you want to say something into the microphone in front of you?

I've done this embarrassing thing before.

Even if I repeat it again, I won't be afraid anymore.

…

...The fingers moved involuntarily.

What is this, a guitar?

Pfft, this is really incredible, this time the devil leaned over me...

But this trick is too childish, using my broken voice to sing in public? There's no way I'd die again from making a fool of myself like this.

What do you want to do?

The unexpected and inexplicable guitar sound was accompanied by a decent posture, as if my body had become some kind of glamorous big shot.

The mouth opened uncontrollably.

"The servant is dead, the thought is the same, the bridge is the bridge, the sound is the sound."

(I thought about dying because I heard seagulls squawking on the pier.)

"The wave is free to float and disappear, and the past is pecking and flying."

(As the waves rise and fall, let me fly away with my past.)

……yes.

During my sophomore year of high school, I went on a school trip to the beach with everyone in the same grade.

When He Ye kicked him into the sea water, he felt that his lungs were filled with fishy and salty liquid. It would be great if he could die happily at that time.

"The servant's death is the same as the thought, and the birthday is the flower of the apricot."

(I thought about dying because the almond trees bloomed on my birthday.)

"その木流れ日でうたた Sleepingしたら, worm's dead body と地になれるかな."

(If you take a nap in the dappled sunlight, you will turn to dust together with the corpses of the insects.)

Birthday?

There is no memory left.

The tree in the yard? Have you ever... It seems like the only scene left is sitting cross-legged on the floor playing games with someone.

Probably all the attention was on the old TV screen.

If you think about it carefully, it is really a luxury not to be able to sleep in such a happy daily life.

"The mint is sweet, the lighthouse of the fishing port is the same, the bridge is the bridge, and the house is the self-operated carriage."

(Mint-flavored candies, lighthouses at fishing ports, rusty arch bridges, abandoned bicycles.)

"The wooden structure is the front of the station, the heart is the heart of the journey."

(In front of the stove at the wooden station, a soul that cannot go anywhere.)

what.

What are you singing randomly?

It seems so pitiful, as if this can get other people's sympathetic eyes——

"Today's はまるでyesterday's みたいだ, tomorrow's を変えるなら, today's を変えなきゃ."

(Today seems like yesterday. If you want to change tomorrow, you must change today.)

"Bent かってる, divided かってる, けれど..."

(I know, I know, but...)

Stop singing these weird things. Hey, stop singing!

"If only I could muster up the courage to face He Ye at that time" and the like, there is no way to change what has happened in the past? !

Day after day, day after day, it’s all the evil consequences caused by that garbage!

I’m done anyway, so it doesn’t matter if I carry that kind of garbage with me—

"The servant is dead, the thought is the same, the heart is empty, the heart is empty."

(I once thought about dying because there was nothing left in my heart.)

"満たされないとcryingいているのは,きっと満たされたいと愿うから."

(If you shed tears over an empty heart, you must be longing for something to fill you up.)

How annoying...

The annoying sound of the guitar was clearly playing hard just now, but now it looked gentle.

But is it an illusion? That feeling of "heart being filled to the brim"... seems to have really happened before.

When exactly is it coming...

"The servant's death is the same as the thought, and the shoe button is the solution."

(I once thought about dying because my shoelaces suddenly came loose.)

"The knot is knotted, the hand is knotted, and the person is knotted."

(I'm not good at retying them, just like I don't know how to maintain a bond with another person.)

There is one thing that I really want to do.

Are you pushing down the woman named Qiu Xue? She looks similar to the female physical education teacher in high school.

If I could do something to her dead body, I would be excited just thinking about it.

Wait...is it really her? What I am obsessed with should be...?

"The servant's death is the same as the thought, the boy's servant is the same as the young man."

(I thought about dying in the past because the boy in my memory was watching me quietly.)

"してるよ, あの日のServant" "ごめんなさい". "

(Kneel down on the bed and say "I'm sorry" to the person I was that day.)

….

"I'm sorry"?

Turn you into a rotten scumbag, is this what you want?

Should I... apologize to you for making you an evil ghost who can't go anywhere but hell?

"パソコンの thin bright かり, the sound of life in the upper-level house. インターフォンのチャイムの音, the ear-stopped bird かごのboy."

(The dim light of the computer, the noise in the room upstairs. The ringtone of the landline, the boy who is trapped in a birdcage and covering his ears tightly.)

"See the enemy of the enemy, the six-room room of the house. The ugly one -"

(Fighting an invisible enemy, the self-righteous Don Quixote in a narrow room. Anyway, the purpose of deceiving himself is just as ugly——)

Shut up! !

I'm not afraid of that anymore, I'm not afraid of that false shit a long time ago! !

"Servant is dead, thought is thought, cold is cold, person" is spoken. "

(I once thought about dying because I was called an "indifferent person".)

"Love is love, love is love, love is love, love is love, warmth is love, love is love."

(If you want to be loved and shed tears, you must have tasted human warmth.)

I told you, shut up...

When talking about "human warmth", it's obviously——

……Wait a moment.

In front of his eyes, a figure seemed to appear in front of him.

she is……

"The servant is dead, the thought is the same, and the beautiful smile is the smile."

(I thought about dying because of your bright smile.)

"It's a dead thing, it's a real thing, it's a real face."

(If you are thinking about how to kill yourself, you must be too serious about living.)

is her.

I remembered, no, I actually never forgot.

"The servant is dead, the thought is the same, and the meeting is the same."

(I thought about dying in the past because I haven’t met you yet.)

Yes, after meeting you at that time. I was, I was...

If I could say that sentence, maybe I wouldn't be able to...

"あなたのような人が生まれた, the world is small and good."

(Because there are people like you born in the world, I like the world a little bit.)

I……

I miss you so much……

"あなたのような人が生きてる, the world is looking forward to it."

(Because there are people like you living in this world, I have a little more expectations for the world.)

…

Amidst the heavy strumming, passers-by's random cameras, and real-time live broadcast from drones.

Mo Sen's soul, invaded by Qin Jue, gradually felt the traces of moisture on his face along with the last two lines of singing.

I didn’t realize it just now, but it turned out that as early as when I was singing a song, as early as a certain phrase...

I was already crying.

There are so many sad things, escaping things, and painful things without even realizing it.

This is really...

--Who are you?

The boy, who was crying silently, asked her in his heart.

I am Qin Jue.

she says.

——I’ve never seen a name before...but thank you.

he said softly.

——Thank you, I can finally... say these three words properly.

Qin Jue's eyes looked into the distance without focus.

me too.

Thank you, Mawson.

——It turns out that there are times when the crowd is not scary.

This is what it feels like to shed tears.

——It turns out that I also had ordinary and happy days.

It turns out that being called "Jue" does not mean that there is really no emotion.

——Well, see you later.

The character carried in the script has completely become a living person. This person exists in her heart and soul. There is a heartfelt smile on her sickly pale face, leaving precious and hot tears in her eyes. Qin Jue's cheek.

"Mo Sen" shrank back into a corner of her heart little by little. Her consciousness returned and her mind reunited. It was still bright and there was a large group of people surrounding Qin Jue. Some were crying like her, and some had slightly red eyes. Some held up their mobile phones, and some hesitated to step forward.

The same street, the same location, solved Mawson's nightmare.

The familiar guitar, familiar playing and singing brought back Qin Jue's past.

"Ajue! Look at daddy! Oh, don't be shy, come on, this is the shot, sing boldly!"

"You little bastard, get the fuck over here!"

"Juejue, mom bought you new sneakers!"

"What do you know?! Do you know how hard it is for a woman to live? Mom, it's not like you continue to suffer, why can't you understand my painstaking efforts?!"

"Hahahaha, this thing is really difficult to cut... You two, pfft, run away quickly!"

"Ah Jue, if you won't cry, just let me do it."

"It's getting dark, sister, leave it to me."

"By the way, after you lose sight...can I touch your face more?"

"Captain, captain, I want to eat cake!"

"Go and get busy, I'll be here to guard you! When you come back, I want two pieces of maple sugar cake that big!"

"Qin! Jue!"

"You crazy woman, see for yourself how many people you have killed with your own hands!"

"Abba! These are all illusions! You held on! You succeeded!"

"……gentlemen."

Various faces and different voices mingled in front of Qin Jue. Her gaze transcended the real crowd, and her consciousness wandered in the narrow space between two lives.

Stunned, his arms hung loosely, his cuffs hooked on the strings, his left hand failed to hold the note, and the guitar in his arms suddenly made a harsh noise.

As if a signal calling her back to her senses, Qin Jue hugged the guitar tightly and knelt on the ground, tears falling down, and a series of mournful cries.

BGM of this chapter: AMAZARASHI - Servant of the Death of のうと思ったのは (Translation: I also thought about it once and for all) Lyrics/Music: Akita ひろむ

The original guitar version was chosen, but Mr. Mika Nakajima’s version had other plans. I couldn't find a translation that I liked, so I made a version myself. It took some time. Sorry for the late update.

Finally, I would like to thank my book friend Yu Muqiu, who has been silently supporting this book not long after it was published, and is also the only reader who guessed the song selection correctly. Thank you.